Worry wart

This is Henry.

He looks happy, right? This was at the zoo. He was happy at the zoo.

At home, he is not happy. Lately, he is neurotic and miserable nearly all the time.

He sobs when it's time to stop playing PBS computer games, or when it's time for a bath, or when I ask him to wash his hands. He wails when Simon tries to brush his teeth in the morning instead of me, or when Amelia looks at him in the car. Often, the wailing erupts into screaming. The neighbors must think we're using a cattle prod.

He has developed a particular gift for finding the horse shit behind every pony. On Saturday, when I told him we were going bowling with his friend Serenity, his fleeting smile was immediately replaced with a tearful, "If we go bowling today, we can't go bowling tomorrow." When I told him he could get his own "Get Well Soon" balloon bouquet the next time he was sick or injured, he whined, "But if I get balloons, Amelia might try to grab them, and then I'll push her, and then I will feel bad for myself."

I feel a particular burden to find the right response because I, of all people, should know about obsessive anxiety and persistent misery. So I start out being upbeat and supportive, offering a hug and a positive perspective. "I know it's so hard to have to put your shoes on when you'd rather play with your train set, but we're going to have so much fun at the park!" He cries some more, I encourage some more. I am Phil freaking Donahue.

And then I am not. After the third or fifth or tenth iteration, I am irritated with the crying, irritated with myself for being so completely ineffectual, and, frankly, a little panicky that my preschooler has a major depressive disorder. My tone switches from soft to stony. "Henry," I snap, "Life is tough. Knock it off."

Sometimes this works. Sometimes it sparks louder and wetter tears. I am at a loss. Sure, I've managed to get my own issues mostly under control, but I have little advice for a small child. "Henry," I would say, "Take a meditation class, start writing, and have a beer or some sort of gin-based cocktail."

Instead we are trying an earlier bedtime this week. We'll see.