"Small for dates"

Hi. I'm feeling better since my last blog entry.

Honestly, I fall into a pit of despair so easily. Most of the time I really love my life. Or at least like it a lot. It's just once in a while that I wonder how I can get through another day.

It's hard because there are not many people I can talk to when I slip into severe depression, which happens for a couple of days every month or so. I know everyone has mood swings, but I think most people don't swing so far into the my-life-is-agony realm. So then I feel depressed and isolated.

Thank God for a couple of people in my life who understand. I don't know what it is about empathy, but it is better than Prozac. Just having someone else who can say, "Oh, yeah, one of those days where you have no reason to live. I hate those." It's brilliant.

At any rate, it is hard to stay down for long with Henry around. Yesterday we went to the Little Farm in Tilden Park, where he fed celery to goats and one large cow. The cow mooed very loudly at one point, and Henry clutched me as if for dear life. Now it's all he talks about. "Big cow," he says, in his deep scary voice. Then he says, "Mmmmmmoooooooooo" with such intensity his fists shake. He makes it sound like we saw Godzilla.

On the crest of feeling good, I had my 32 week prenatal appointment today, and Dr. Schleuning said I was "measuring small." I said, "Good," because up until now my biggest concern was a 10 pound baby. But apparently that's really not good, because now I need to go in for another ultrasound to see why baby isn't growing as fast as she or he has been and should be.

Schleuning said it could be any number of things, including the fact that the baby is just in a sideways position. But of course I can't stop thinking about other things it could be, like intrauterine growth restriction caused by a placental abruption.

Dr. Schleuning also said it may take a week or two to get an ultrasound appointment, and she wasn't worried about that. So maybe it's nothing.

Meanwhile baby is kicking around like a star athlete, as usual. She/he does not seem particularly concerned either.