So long since I've written. Not that anyone reads this.
Henry is 2! It's a miracle we've kept him alive this long. Alive and, by all apparent measures, thriving.
And now I'm just two months away from another one.
Joy. Right?
Quite the contrary.
I am so depressed I can't write. I can barely sleep, yet I'm tired all the time. I can barely abide sitting here, because I am so disgusted with my enormous self.
I am wary of therapists since my last one flipped out on me. Also, I don't think we have the money. Oh, yeah, and now that Simon is travelling every week, I don't have any free time.
I would exercise, but all the prenatal classes are in the evening, and, again, I'm flying solo during the week.
I know--excuses, excuses.
In the meantime, I hate myself, I hate my life. I would kill myself without hesitation if it weren't for Henry. I may have ruined my own life, but I will not ruin his.
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Hi there - I came across your blog cuz I just started my own SAHM/Housewife blog. Please stop by and maybe we can be an encouragment to each other. I have a few blogs about various things, and I swear, blogging helps keep my sane! I'll bookmark you and stop here often! hang in there and take care! Liz
ReplyDeleteHi. I guess I didn't realize there are so many of us out there.. It's a tough gig staying at home with babies, God knows I love my kids but after 11 years.. I'm not sure I know who I was when I began this journey of stay at home motherhood.. I know that seems to be a common thread most of us all have, that loss of identity. Any suggestions? I know just writing this made me feel a bit better as well as the knowing I'm not alone..
ReplyDeletePlease don't think of killing yourself. There is so much in the world to live for.... the sunshine, the sea, all the people who care about you. Hang in there.. things always are the worst before they get better :)
ReplyDeleteWell let me start by saying it could be worse! I am a depressed housewife with 6 kids...actually 5 now the oldest step daughter threw a hard cup at me and left a nasty lump and bruise on my arm. She decided staying at her grandmothers house who by the way hates me would make her life easier so I have 2 step and 3 of my own. I love my kids and would really know the true meaning of depression if something happened to one of them but wow is it hard. Being a step mother has got to be the HARDEST thing I have ever did in my entire life. The grandmother likes to remind them that I am not their real mother so that makes things tough. I have the answer to my own depression but climbing out of the hole and doing it is the hard part. I live close to a Y.M.C.A, I can go one day and work out and instantly feel better but I find many excuses not to go. Also church on Sundays...also instant relief. Hope things have got better for you..I still have hope that I'm going to wake up one day and just go after the life that I want and not let my self stay down...God bless
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