Holy holy holy crap. She doesn't sleep.
Well, OK, Amelia sleeps great between about midnight and 7 am. She just doesn't sleep any other time, unless I'm lying down with her, which just isn't going to work with Henry.
Our days are spent doing a lot of jiggling, a lot of shushing, and so much breastfeeding that my nipples may pop off the next time she eats.
I am exhausted. Not just sleep deprived, but emotionally exhausted. She needs me constantly. Henry wants me constantly. I spend a quarter of the day sobbing. I feel like I am failing both of my children. And my husband, too, because I yell at him all the time. I think I'm bitter that his life goes back to normal next week, whereas mine never will.
I need a psychological epidural to get through the next three months. That, I have determined, is pretty much when I stopped feeling completely out of control with Henry.
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There is no way out but through. That is not very comforting, I know. I felt like I was drowning when Beck was tiny and he was just one child. I can't imagine how hard it is. Please know I am thinking of you. Cling to the fact that you at least know it gets better. It will most certainly do so again.
ReplyDeleteThanks, bri. I don't know why, but it totally makes me feel better to know I'm not the only one not in a state of perpetual bliss over a newborn. As far as I'm concerned, the first few months are just something to get through to get to the good part of parenting.
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