Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Toddlers and husbands


I've been morbidly depressed lately, but today I'm feeling better. Why? God knows.

Toddlers
One day a week or two ago I suddenly realized that baby Henry was gone, and in his place was this almost-lanky child who talks and climbs and washes his own hands and destroys things I hadn't even thought of moving out of his reach.

Two days ago he peed in the toilet, because he wanted to. This is not something I've been pushing. The last thing I need is to be breastfeeding when Henry announces he has 30 seconds for someone to remove his pants and get him onto the Elmo seat.

But he's interested. So I applaud and I give him a high five and I realize that parenting is sort of like having only minimal steering control over a vehicle that someone else is working the pedals for. I can veer it in a general direction and try to avoid a major collision, but when we get there is up to someone else.

The other day he pulled his cousin Cece's hair to get her off the toy car they were sharing. I was shocked and mortified. "No no!" I shouted. "You hurt Cece. Now you can't play with the car anymore."

And he pouted and he cried, mostly about the car, but he's been talking about it since then. "Pull Cece hair," he'll say, dreamily.

I hope he's not a sociopath.

Husbands
Three words about my marriage: I give up.

We've been in therapy for more than two years now. My major issue, in fact, the issue that keeps us going to counseling, is communication. Namely, that we don't have any.

Two nights ago he called from Philadelphia, where he's on a business trip. He was energetic and chatty, and I listened and responded happily while he talked about the fabulous hotel he was at, the guy he's been trying to set up a meeting with who turned out to be an old friend, the business deals he's lined up. He talked for at least 10 minutes. This was a great call from Simon! Then he asked, "What did you guys do today?"

I told him that we had gone to the park where Henry's friend had held his birthday party over the weekend, and after I warned Henry his friend and the party would not be there this time, we stumbled upon the same friend having another party for his park friends.

And there was silence.

OK, I know it's not gripping, but neither was his story about the guy he used to work with.

But I got nothing. I assumed his phone had gone dead, so I said, "Hello, hello?" to confirm.

He said, "What? Sorry. What did you say?"

So I had listened enthusiastically to him wax on for nearly 15 minutes about what a stellar salesman he is, and as soon as I opened my mouth he went back to checking emails.

I just said goodnight and hung up. He sent an email the next day about how sorry he was, and how he'll not read his emails while talking to me from now on.

From now on? That was the first promise he made in marriage therapy. It's what he promised two months ago when I said we're heading for divorce unless things change. But from now on things will change. Really.

It's stupid, isn't it? If it weren't such an ongoing issue it would be funny. It is sort of funny. My husband finds me so boring he can't pay attention for two minutes!

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